What do I have to do to get a cup of TEA around here??

Tea and sleep, slumberland, shuteye, snooze, doze, nap…words that float through my head on a daily basis! Bedtime, hibernation, zzzzz’s are a few more. Dreams – I can’t even remember what they are!

As many of you know, I’m constantly complaining of being chronically tired and I’m generally a complete space cadet! So much so that I warn you, just don’t bother asking me questions in the morning! Something a friend learnt yesterday, leaving her wondering if her new friend (me!) was in fact an utter weirdo?! However, today was no different from most, EXCEPT last nights lack of sleep was entirely my own fault! Why oh why I hear you say, would I deliberately deny myself those few crucial hrs of sleep??

Well, I’ll tell you! A few of you might remember the ‘Baby Boot Camp’ I wrote when I started sleep training Bay a couple of years ago (I’ll try and dig it out and repost). It worked brilliantly well but typically only lasted a couple of weeks before it all went to pot – damn those allergies! Anyway, after spending the last almost 17months co-sleeping with Kk and having him screaming in the night, pushing, kicking, hitting, gauging my eyes out, pulling on my lips and now losing the plot because he wants to sleep on top of his dad, I decided that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! It’s time that Mr G and I finally get our bed back to ourselves. So, I dutifully spent half the night putting him back into his toddler bed and encouraging (dictating!) him to sleep. It worked of course – he spent the night in his bed! *Cue round of applause, high fives, happy dance and a massive whoop whoop, you did it!!* (details will be provided shortly for those interested??)

So, once again I am trying to follow my ‘Surviving a day with a Toddler‘ tips but since my lovely hubby gave me a bit of a lie in (an hr before the boys came and jumped on me) and had already fixed up the boys breakie, I thought I’d find another way of ensuring I had time to sit down and enjoy a compulsory tea or 2! (The only thing that was going to get me through the next hour or so!) So, I spent 5 minutes setting up an awesome painting table and gave myself a massive self five. This was going to be super ace! Paint, stencils, stamps, glitter, decorations and a range of paint brushes all ready for exploring and getting messy. This would surely keep them entertained for the next hr at least and I had filled the kettle to the max. (Shame I didn’t capture my smug look!)

Tea break crafts

I was feeling bloody great with my pure geniusness and started the prep for my tea, which was now a burning thought at the front of my mind. MUST DRINK TEA!

But, I should have known better as with all of my genius moments, I was left with these haunting words: who on Earth was I kidding??

Within minutes, Kk was finished and started throwing the paintbrushes and pots on the floor, and guess what? The kettle hadn’t even finished! He had heard his dad mowing the lawn at the front of the house and wanted to be a part of it. I thought I might be able to rectify this situation if I simply picked him up high enough to see him over the fence and then distract him with another activity. I was right of course – such a super mum! πŸŽ‰

However, I then turned around to see Bay standing at the garden door with paint all over his face also wanting to see. OK!! I picked him up – bloody hell, he’s heavy. I found myself having to deal with flailing arms and legs in an attempt to put him up on my shoulders to look over the fence. It didn’t quite work though considering I’m an embarrassingly weak individual and he ended up sitting on my head with my back buckling under the strain. I remembered my physio’s recent advice to ‘switch on that pelvic floor!’ So that’s what I concentrated on! (I wonder if I did this enough I might get away with the fact I haven’t done the 1 exercise she set me?!) *squeeze, squeeeezee, squuueeeeeeeeezze!!* Nope, didn’t help, my butt was sticking out a mile and my back was about to break so he had to come down. Cue the screaming!

So, it had been roughly 10minutes since the painting activity had been set up, I still hadn’t had a cup of tea and now both boys were throwing themselves on the floor having a temper tantrum with snot slugs dripping down to the floor. All the while, hubby was outside the front of the house mowing the lawn….and blissfully unaware of my predicament! I JUST WANT A CUP OF TEA! For Gods sake, how difficult can this be!!

Dealing with a tantrum when all I want is tea!
I’ll spare you the snot slug picture!

There was no way, of course, that I was going to let these boys get away with this! In complete silence (because that’s all I could manage!), I picked each of them up and washed their hands and faces before making them tidy it all up! Yep! Sod this shit, they were going to tidy it ALL up! Kk, unsurprisingly, did a runner whilst Bay did the majority of the tidying. He is a good boy really! I finally tracked down ‘The AWOL’ toddler and sat him on the seat I know he can’t get down from and gave him wipes to clean the table with. He sat there for a while with a stubborn frown until he finally gave in!

It had now been 50minutes since I had set up the table of creative heaven and, yes you got it, I still hadn’t had my tea, grrrr!!! 😑😑😑

As great and time saving as it was having the kids tidy up, there was an awful lot of subsequent mess on the floor that had to be vacuumed before it got trodden into the carpet. So, there I was hoovering away! I ended up doing the whole house as I kept noticing all the little bits of tiny crap that was scattered everywhere. I’m normally quite good at being oblivious so it really annoyed me that now, of all times, I started to notice!



I had finished vacuuming and …would you believe it, the hungry cries started! I haven’t even had a morning cup of tea and you want fking lunch?!! So in the process of hubby and I frying chicken, roasting carrots, boiling pasta and distracting and entertaining the kids, we managed between us to make some COFFEE! Here it is, my half drunk and now cold cup of coffee! Oh no, I can’t show you, hubster has already poured it down the sink! (I could have warmed it up, 😭😭😭😭😭)


Maybe I should have let him sleep in bed with us after all?!?


If you can relate or know of anyone else who might, please share and tag them to let others know they are not alone in this journey of madness!!


NB It’s now 13.30, Kk is asleep and Bay in frontΒ of the TV (still in just his pj trousers) and I’ve finally got my cup of tea! Although, I think I may have to resort to eating a pack of Tim-Tams to make up for this crazy morning.

Tea and Tim-Tams

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